Don't Drink The Pears
by LadyV77
Summary: After a party on an alien planet, Evan Lorne finds himself in an interesting situation. Crack!fic based on an online pet community and late night convo. Nongraphic slash, Natural LorneSheppard pairing with other twists. Rating for implied situations.


**Author's Note**: As said in the summary, this is crack!fic, but I have to admit I am a fan of the LorneSheppard pairing (though I will always be a Sparky fan first and foremost). I have dubbed this pairing Natural since both men have the ATA gene naturally and fit together thusly. I'm also a LorneSheppardWeir (NaturallySparky, of which there may be some below) and WeirLorne fan (no name for that one yet, willing to take suggestions if anyone has any).

This is for a certain someone, you know who you are… hope the finished product lives up to your expectations. Everyone else, enjoy. I know this isn't my usual fare, but it was something that came to me and poked my brain incessantly and therefore had to be written. Takes place somewhere in Season 3 before Sunday. Flames will be ignored, ample warning was given in the summary.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Stargate Atlantis or its characters. If I did, every episode since Sunday (_including_ Sunday) would have been much different. I also don't own the pears, which are part of an online pet community… people who know of it will know that I've adapted the details to better fit the story.

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"Enjoying yourself, Lorne?" John Sheppard asked his subordinate as he approached the other man, two glasses of interesting colored liquid in hand.

"I'm having a good time, sir. These people are very friendly." Evan Lorne quirked a grin. "I just wish they'd stop trying to give me puppies. If we were allowed to have pets on Atlantis, it would be a different story, but…"

John nodded. "Yeah, last time we were here, I had to physically pry Elizabeth away from one of the little white ones. Reminded her of her dog Sedge."

Evan nodded. He had heard that story in the Atlantis rumor mill. Along with another rumor that Elizabeth Weir had only let go of the puppy after John had whispered something in her ear that brought a pink tinge to her cheeks.

"But none of that 'sir' stuff, Lorne, we're off duty and supposed to be enjoying ourselves. It's a party, not a mission. Call me John."

"Only if you call me Evan," he countered, and then wondered where the words had come from.

But John only smiled and held one of the glasses he was carrying out to Evan. "Here, some of the local specialties. Some kind of drink made of fermented pears."

Evan took the glass and stared at it, frowning slightly at the cloudy pale pink and blue liquid. John's was a maroon color with pink flecks that almost looked heart shaped. The idea of drinking or eating alien cuisine always worried him slightly. But Athosian wine was good, and different expedition members had found foodstuffs on various planets that had helped shore up their stores between shipments from Earth.

And John was already drinking his pear juice, showing no signs of disliking it. Evan cautiously sipped his own beverage before downing it a bit faster. It _was_ good.

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When he woke up the next morning without clothes but with a certain Colonel spooning behind him, Evan thought maybe the pear drink was a little _too_ good. He was also mildly shocked that while he was worried about what sleeping with his superior would mean, he had no qualms about waking up after being with a man. It was something he'd never felt an inclination to do with any other man, but somehow this felt right. But he was also worried how John would react the morning after when he'd clearly been intoxicated at the time of the act itself, something of which Evan only had hazy… but blissful… memories.

He was pleasantly surprised when John roused a few moments later and placed a kiss on the back of his neck. Evan turned his head to make sure John was in fact awake. A slow smile curving John's shapely mouth… _how long have I thought of John Sheppard's lips as kissable? _Evan wondered… warmed him deep inside, coaxing an answering smile to Evan's mouth. On impulse, he leaned further back, his neck twisting further so his lips could brush John's. His bedmate completed the connection, their lips clinging for long, heated moments.

"Good morning, Evan," John rumbled when they parted, his voice still gruff from the disuse of sleep.

Fighting the urge to shiver at the sensation stimulated by the vibration of John's voice in his chest pressed against Evan's back, Evan echoed faintly, "Morning."

John's hands, rough to the touch but gentle in action, began a leisurely exploration of Evan's upper torso and abdomen… and then lower. It was shaping up to be a very good morning indeed.

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John and Evan hadn't had a chance to talk that morning, having to get all the other Atlantis personnel rounded up and headed home shortly after their morning tryst. When John treated him as he normally would throughout that day… he realized there would be no big change without trouble following soon after, but shouldn't there have been a slight hint?… Evan assumed it had been a liaison limited to their time on the planet. So he was surprised when he went to his quarters that night and found John already there. He would reserve judgment on whether the surprise was pleasant or not until John shared his reason for being there.

"Sit down," John said after a minute had passed and Evan had not moved from the spot where he'd stopped when he noticed the other man's presence.

With a wry smirk that he was being asked to sit in his own quarters, Evan did so. John sighed and ran a hand over his hair, causing Evan's stomach to sink. He was getting the brush off. It would have been easier to accept if John hadn't even bothered to come and talk to him about it. Evan would have been able to just think of it as being because of the drink if John had simply stayed away and pretended it didn't happen.

"I should have told you this before we were together but…" John paused, sighed, then spoke again. "I've been seeing someone for awhile now."

"I didn't know that," Evan immediately cut in. "If you want me to apologize to them, I will, but… Jesus, Sheppard, why did this morning happen if you're already involved? Being drunk is one thing, but…"

Trailing off, Evan shook his head. Disappointment made his shoulders drop and he almost got up to leave the room, despite the fact that it was his. The strength in John's voice stopped him from doing anything more than considering it.

"Evan."

He looked up, locking eyes with the other man.

"My significant other knew about the possibility of you and me for awhile now. And it's okay."

Evan opened his mouth and then closed it. He had no idea what to say to that. Part of him was warm and happy over the fact that last night hadn't been as spur of the moment as it seemed, but the other part was too surprised over there being someone else as well, someone who evidently didn't mind sharing.

"I'll understand if you're uncomfortable with the situation," John continued hesitantly, "but I don't want this to end yet, and I'm hoping you feel the same way."

Evan stood and moved across the room to sit beside John on the bed. John searched his eyes, and Evan allowed a smile to form. John relaxed slightly.

"You didn't just come here to talk, did you, John?" Evan teased lightly, shifting closer to him.

John's eyes darkened, and Evan felt a shiver slide down his spine.

"No," John murmured against his lips. "No, I didn't."

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Despite the fact that he really didn't want to know who else was sharing John's bed, he found himself wondering about it at odd times. The only member of Sheppard's team that he thought it might be even briefly was Ronon Dex. John and Teyla had been the ones to first meet him, and it had been Carson who had removed the Wraith tracking device from the former Runner. But it was John alone that the Satedan was intensely loyal to. Evan let that thought go, though, believing that Ronon was not the type to share willingly… and he was still in one piece.

Evan found himself watching how other people interacted with John, but he never noticed anything that led him to think he'd found the other person John was seeing. Plenty of women flirted with him, most of the men respected him and some of either sex considered John their friend, but Evan could never see anything different in the way anyone interacted with John to show him who it was. The other thing that confused him was that no one was treating _him_ any differently either. Had John lied when he'd said he would tell his significant other about them?

When he asked John that very question, worried that he was putting a strain on a relationship that had been good (as far as he knew) before his interference, John had been quick to assure him.

"I mentioned it the day we got back, Evan," he'd said. "If you want to know who it is…"

"No," Evan had cut him off. "Let's just wait a while and see where this goes, okay?"

John had reluctantly agreed, but whenever they were alone after that, the other man had dropped hints rather frequently that the other person, whoever he or she was, wanted Evan to know. But Evan just wasn't ready. It was bad enough to know he was sharing John's time. He wasn't sure how he'd feel about the person he was sharing it with if he knew who it was.

Three weeks into their relationship, Atlantis started responding to him more. He had the gene naturally, of course, and had always been able to use Ancient tech like the puddle jumpers. But the city had never reacted as readily to him as it did to John and Carson, who had the gene strongest of everyone in the expedition.

When he mentioned it to John, the other man had him try the chair. It worked instantly, something that made John smile… glad to have another person who could use it who was comfortable with firepower (unlike Carson)… but left Evan a bit befuddled. There were some among the expedition that believed the city was partially sentient, and that it liked John Sheppard best out of its inhabitants. Did this mean Atlantis approved?

It wasn't until five weeks after the party that he started getting sick every day and worried that maybe it wasn't a good thing. Perhaps he'd been exposed to something that had altered him, temporarily boosting the strength of his ATA gene before it sickened him. Evan scheduled an appointment with Carson Beckett, requesting a complete blood workup.

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The day after Carson had drawn his blood, Evan sat waiting on a bed in one of the few private rooms that connected to the main Atlantis infirmary. He'd panicked slightly when he'd been asked to meet Carson there, but Carson had assured him he wasn't dying, that it was just something that needed to be discussed in private.

Evan'd had a headache for the past few hours. He chalked it up to stress, and when a passing thought about the brightness of the lights in the room hurting his eyes resulted in them dimming slightly, he sighed heavily. A second later Carson walked in, closing the door behind him. Evan sat up straighter. He was eager to hear what Carson had found.

"It appears you're pregnant, Major," Carson said without preamble.

Evan blinked several times before laughing slightly. "Sorry, doc, I think something's wrong with my ears now. It sounded like you just said I was pregnant."

Carson just looked at him, his brow furrowed with worry. The smile fell off Evan's face.

"Tell me, Major, did you partake of a pink and blue drink on that lovely planet with all the different pears?"

Evan blanched. "Maybe Jo-Colonel Sheppard should be here for this."

"I realize you're going to have to go off active duty, son, but surely he doesn't need to hear the details."

Blushing slightly, Evan fought with everything in him to simply hold Carson's gaze. After a minute, the Scot's eyes widened and his mouth went slack before forming a small "o." When he had collected himself, the doctor called John on a secure channel. The Colonel was there minutes later.

After Evan succinctly told him what Carson had said, John sat down next to Evan, squeezing the other man's shoulder as he did.

"Is he going to be okay?" John asked Carson.

Carson nodded. "The people of that planet are perfectly human. So, as is obvious by the Major's condition, their pears will affect us the same way they are affected. The pear trees were given to them… by what they call their gods and I've been assuming was the Ancients… when their population was in danger of dying out because of the low number of women. The pink and blue pears somehow manipulate males genetically to allow them to conceive and carry a fetus."

"Do I need to keep drinking it?" Evan queried. "I wouldn't think an alcoholic beverage would be a good idea…"

"No," Carson interjected. "Assuming you want to carry the baby to term," Evan nodded automatically, "you should _not_ drink it again until after the baby has been born. A second ingestion reverses the effects and the fetus would be absorbed into your body." Evan flinched at the thought. "But just to be clear, the concoctions are not only available in fermented form. They have straight juices of them as well. Now, I'm going to need to know exactly what happened so I can confer with their head midwife and make sure everything will go smoothly."

Evan gave a brief recap of the night of the party as Carson jotted down notes in his personal medical file. He told about John giving him the drink and having his own, different, one. He didn't go into details of what had happened later, simply stating that it had.

"I apologize for asking, but have you been with anyone since?" Carson asked. "As it was explained to me when I was there, the effects are not instantaneous, they take at least a week. That one time shouldn't have been able to result in you being pregnant."

Evan flushed again, though he was glad to know that he and John's efforts at being careful had paid off if their affair wasn't common knowledge.

John cleared his throat before saying calmly, "It wasn't just that one time, and he's only been with me."

Carson nodded his understanding, making a few more notes in Evan's file. "We'll schedule a sonogram for a week from now, and I'll let you know when I've talked with their midwife so I can give you more details of what to expect. We won't schedule the caesarian until you're much closer to your due date."

"Do we need to requisition one of those machines?" John asked.

"No," Carson shook his head. "We already have one on hand that we use for other tests. And though the SGC asked us to keep it quiet so ideas didn't spread, we were given supplies in case of pregnancy. Prenatal vitamins and the like. We will have to requisition formula and such for when the wee dear's actually here with us, but there's no hurry just yet."

It suddenly struck Evan that this was truly happening. His first real thought on the situation was a protective and scared one about his offspring. Maybe the pear hadn't just given him gestating capabilities, but motherly instincts as well.

"They're going to force me to go back to Earth," he burst out, his voice frantic. "They're going to poke and prod me for nine months and then they're going to take my baby and study it like some specimen in a petri dish."

Evan was snapped out of his hysteria when John shook him. John had moved from his spot sitting next to him to stand in front of him without Evan being aware of it.

"We won't let that happen," the slightly taller man said gently when he saw that he had Evan's attention. When Evan nodded jerkily, John turned his head to remark to Carson, "That was abrupt."

"Hormones," Carson said with a huge grin.

Evan scowled, not finding the humor in it until a few moments later when the other two men started laughing. Though he tried to fight it, a smile broke free and then a chuckle. True laughter soon followed. It was several minutes later that all three of them had stopped and collected themselves. Evan buried his face against John's chest for a moment, anchoring himself by breathing in John's now-familiar scent.

John's hand came up to gently cup the back of his head, a small but comforting gesture. Evan realized he was feeling a lot better now that the tension had been released and drew back a bit reluctantly. They had company, after all, and there was still a lot he needed to know. Carson gave them the usual overview for newly pregnant women, letting Evan know that he'd update him as soon as he knew how the pregnancies of the males of the planet differed from the normal kind.

When Carson had left the room to deal with an injury sustained by a young Marine who had been sparring with Ronon, Evan took a few minutes to come to grips with everything that had been revealed.

"What made you decide to give me that particular drink?" he eventually asked.

"I didn't." John shook his head. "One of the women noticed how I was looking at you and recommended that I approach you. I was evidently a little obvious in my nervousness because she handed me my drink, telling me it would allow me to follow my feelings more easily. Another woman gave me the one for you, but when I asked what it was for, all she said was something in her own language."

"And if you had known?" Evan asked quietly.

Somehow he was finding all of this easy to accept, but he still needed to make sure John was okay with it. Though he would miss the other man's company terribly, he was willing to let John go if the Colonel wasn't comfortable with the situation they had rather unbelievably found themselves in. His own mother had been a single parent, and though it was odd to think of it that way, he knew he could do it too if he had to.

"I think maybe I still would have given it to you."

It came out in a whispered rush, but Evan still heard it. He had to swallow hard against the emotion that welled up in his throat. John cupped Evan's face with both hands and lightly kissed him.

"I love you, Evan."

A surprised breath escaped the pregnant man's lips. He'd held back announcing his own feelings because of the non-exclusive status of John's side of the relationship and the fact that John had never said the words to him before. Now that he'd heard them, it felt like he'd been waiting forever to do so.

"I love you too, John."

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A memo was sent out to all personnel that anyone who had gone to the planet and had the pear drinks needed to have a check-up as soon as possible. There were four other pregnancies discovered. One of the doctors on the Atlantis staff was already starting a study on the varied pears' effects on fertility, hoping to find a way to help infertile women on Earth. Only one of the other pregnancies was another man. Unlike Evan, the other man had chosen to consume the pink and blue drink a second time to stop what he considered unnatural.

Evan was officially on a leave of absence from the military and had been assigned to help wherever an engineer was needed. It was his engineering background that had been a deciding factor in his original recruitment into the Stargate Program. Part of him had missed that aspect of his job, and all of him was glad to have something to fall back on that made it plausible to stay in Atlantis. As expected, news of his condition had made for some very curious people back on Earth, but Carson had managed to stop a transfer before it could even be mentioned, citing that Evan needed to be in Atlantis, close to what was now called the Pear Planet, in case anything went wrong.

No one had been told who the other genetic parent was, but Evan knew it was only a matter of time before someone figured it out. It would probably be Elizabeth Weir, who had become very interested in his health and well being, making sure to seek him out once a day and ask how he was faring. It was rather flattering, especially since she was doing it significantly more with him than with the pregnant women. And for some reason he was sure it wasn't because his situation was unique.

On one particular day, she joined he, John and the rest of John's team as they ate lunch. She sat directly across from him and his eyes couldn't help inspecting her top, which seemed particularly low cut. He wasn't the only one who noticed… and the other person noticed his noticing.

"I saw you looking at Elizabeth," John teased when it was just the two of them left at the table and no one else was in earshot.

Evan's cheeks heated, but he grinned. "Carson did say I might get…_ahem_… interested more easily because of the hormones." He hesitated a moment before making an admission. He was learning to be a lot more open with John, but he also didn't want to hurt him. "I've had a bit of a thing for her for a long time."

"Really?"

Instead of looking hurt or amused, John actually seemed… excited? Evan frowned but didn't get a chance to question John about his reaction. After telling Evan to meet him in his quarters that night, John was off to get to his next task of the day.

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When he went to John's quarters that night, Evan was brought up short by the presence of another person. It was only after he fumbled out an "Excuse me, ma'am," and started exiting the room that he realized Elizabeth Weir was in John's bedroom wearing a nightgown… and a rather short one at that. He froze in his tracks and just stood there staring. _This_ was John's other significant other?

As Elizabeth walked toward him, a welcoming smile on her face, John exited the bathroom, completely naked. Evan felt like he was about to go into cardiac arrest. Elizabeth reached him and took hold of his hands. She lifted herself slightly on bare toes to gently brush a kiss across his lips before leading him to John's bed. Dumbstruck, Evan followed, sitting when she backed him into the bed.

Elizabeth sat perched beside him, turning his head to face her with one delicate hand. "Didn't you ever wonder why John's other lover wanted you to know who they were? Why she… _I_ was okay with sharing him?"

"Of course," he managed to find his voice enough to answer her gentle questions.

He was highly aware of John sitting on his other side, soothingly caressing Evan's back. Elizabeth shifted and Evan was guided to sit in the middle of the bed by two pairs of hands. When he was settled, Elizabeth lifted off his shirt and then took off her nightgown while John assisted Evan with his pants. Elizabeth returned to the bed, but didn't stop moving until she was straddling Evan's thighs.

"It's because I wanted you too," she whispered in his ear before lightly nipping his lobe. "John and I both want all three of us to share one another." She paused and leaned back slightly to put a hesitant, gentle hand on his lower abdomen where the baby was growing. "If you let me, I'd like to be part of this with the two of you."

"I'd be honored," he managed.

He was rewarded with kisses from both Elizabeth and John… who also kissed each other in celebration, and wasn't that just about the hottest thing Evan had ever seen… before they all settled in to learning how this would work. In the bedroom first, but with how seamlessly everything seemed to be falling into place, Evan couldn't help but believe that everything outside of it would work out as well.

Evan wasn't entirely sure how things had come to this from an off-world celebration and drinks made from pears, but he would be eternally grateful. Here he was, a just-starting-to-show pregnant _man_, with the handsome, intelligent John Sheppard kneeling behind him doing his best to please him while his lap was full of a warm, willing Elizabeth Weir. Life was good.


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